Eating for two?

Big apologies for lack of posts, my poor little laptop died and I have only just managed to get back online with my husband's MacBook. I am feeling very fancy though, I have never blogged from Mac before and actually this little laptop mate is quite nice! Maybe I might adopt it, at least until I can get something else sorted.

Anyway, this blog entry is about food. Not like a food review or a 'look at my meal' post. It's about my relationship with food as a pregnant person. Because actually, it is something that has really changed over the last 6 and a half months!

So at the beginning no food was really a friend to me. I could tolerate anything beige. Any kind of potato (not fried), bland soup, plain pasta, chicken nuggets (at a push), toast, bland sandwiches... you get the idea. I felt so awful that I wasn't eating lovely vegetables and fruits and getting in all the nourishment my baby probably needed but I really just couldn't stomach anything. Even what I was managing to eat wasn't always staying down. Couldn't even drink tea and coffee and I mainly lived on weak summer fruit cordial and water. In the first 3 months of my pregnancy I went from 10 stone (140lbs) to 9 stone 1 (127lbs) This was clearly due to the extreme vomiting and not something that I would recommend, I felt so weak and tired as it was because my body was growing a baby and a new organ (the placenta is an organ doncha know... no I didn't either, don't worry) and then on top of that there just wasn't enough fuel to keep me going. 

It wasn't for want of trying either, I remember a fateful evening in the pub where I had a sausage baguette and then returned home and have never known anything like it. The sickness that followed that baguette was the worst incident from the whole first trimester and I probably won't forget that as long as I live. Poor husband stood at the bathroom door and asked me if he should call someone... (to which I coughed out a "no.... don't..... come.... in!!!!!" 

Poor sod had no idea if I was alive or dead by the end of it I think, peeping nervously round the door to check, his little face looked like he had seen a creature rise from the deep!

As I came out of the sickness phase of my pregnancy my diet returned to pretty much normal. For a long long time I couldn't look at a sausage and coffee was still off the cards but more or less, I was starting to be able to eat foods I liked again. My first proper meal in the second trimester was a roast dinner full of vegetables and I felt like a some kind of God afterwards. 

At the start of the second trimester, I didn’t really have much of a bump, my body hadn’t really changed shape too much (probably because of the weight loss) but as I became more able to eat, I became more aware of what exactly I was eating. I wanted to try and be really cool and eat all healthy foods (hashtag eat clean) but really, I just ate what was available and what was nice. A typical day would start with a pint of water and some juice, I would have maybe a cereal bar on my way to work and then for lunch would be a toasted bagel with cream cheese, two tangerines, a bag of walkers baked crisps (ready salted) and then a sweet treat (biscuits, chocolate bar etc). Dinner would initially be pasta, omelette and salad, some kind of potato with something… you know, usual dinner foods. When we moved into my in-laws my diet changed again without me really realising. This was early in the second trimester and so I was able to adapt and fit with their food choices and was able to introduce a bit more protein (my husband is a vegetarian so I think I had been lacking a bit maybe as it seemed silly to buy a pack of mince or fish for just one person) and lots more salad. The further in the past the sickness was becoming, the less scared I was to actually eat things. 

There are so many things in pregnancy you aren’t supposed to eat. A list can be found here. I have largely stuck to this, I haven’t had pate (which my husband thinks I’m allergic to anyway because my tongue gets big when I eat it, he is probably right) I have deprived myself of fresh pavlova and I have only had one Mr Whippy ice cream (something to do with the machines that make them containing listeria)

Before pregnancy I was largely dairy intolerant, something which has now seemed to have gone (I hope that one sticks!) and some types of cheese have always been a big migraine trigger for me so I haven’t felt like I have missed out on cheeses. Only since writing this blog post have I realised I’m not supposed to eat runny eggs (I have done- OOPS!) but I’m not Arnie, I don’t tend to indulge in raw eggs (or meat) so thats not been an issue. I haven’t eaten much in the way of shellfish, and the main reason why this is not advised seems to be related to not getting food poisoning so I have had a couple of prawns at home when I know they’re cooked okay. Also, pregnant people aren’t advised to eat vegetables and fruits that might have soil on them, its a risk of toxoplasmosis. You can also get toxoplasmosis from cat shit. I probably won’t go licking any potatoes in the ground then…

The most confusing one has been this unpasturised milk business. Who even knows what THAT means. I think that the milk we have goes through some kind of process before we drink it (great) and pasteurised is when you literally are getting it from an udder. Well, I haven’t sucked any udders recently so thats another one off the list… To be honest though, this list for me has been a guide that I have tried to stick to as best I can but I can’t help but think millions of years ago women were eating all sorts and babies were born all over the place just fine. I’m having enough trouble chastising myself for eating too many ice creams, the last thing I need to start doing now is feeling guilty for eating a dippy egg.

And what about cravings…?!

Orange juice. The new love of my life. Early in trimester 2 I had a great time drinking a really large amount of orange juice.

I always thought cravings were just something pregnant people made up to force their husbands/boyfriends/families to get them food but this orange juice thing was so bizarre. I couldn’t settle for orange squash, it had to be juice. To an extent, an orange itself would satisfy it but nothing was quite as good as orange juice. The only way I can describe this pregnancy craving is that I was so thirsty and nothing but orange juice could satisfy the thirst. I wasn’t crazy I’m gonna kill someone if I didn’t get it, I just really really felt a need to have it. I drank about 3 and a half cartons in a day and gave myself stingy wee and nearly shit my pants. But I suppose I got a good whack of Vitamin C….

In the second trimester is where I have felt the weight slowly creep on. At first, it was slow. Around week 21/22 is when I really started to think “Oh hi extra body…” and generally started to feel a bit sluggish. I started going swimming a couple of times a week with a friend as I thought (and I was right) that this would make me feel better about myself, raise some endorphins and also generally give me a bit of an energy boost. It has become a little difficult to maintain as I ache a bit more now but I am going to try to keep going because although I by no means want to lose weight, I feel that it will make me feel a bit better about myself. 

Its so difficult. There is an internal battle going on, my whole adult life I have felt like ‘Oh I shouldn’t eat too much this week, my jeans are a bit tight’ ‘Oooh, thats an unflattering photo, better detox next week’ ‘oh god I’m vile why do I get take away so often’ and really body shamed myself into being slim. There have been periods of time where I have literally starved myself and survived for weeks on diet coke, apples and marlboro light cigarettes (oh uni…!) and I know that I haven’t got a great history of a healthy relationship with food. 

Having an underactive thyroid can mean my metabolism is slow and I can potentially gain weight very easily but I have always been lucky enough to be in okay shape. Clothing pre-pregnancy was size 8/10/12 and thats fine by me. 

Meanwhile, the last 3 weeks I have been borderline unstoppable. All I want to do is eat. I’m checking in now at 26 weeks pregnant (6 and a half months) and the only thing I can’t stomach is coffee (and I have tried, I made a little sick afterwards!) Everything else, I want it, and that isn’t easy because now the baby is bigger there is a bit less space in there to fill with food, but believe me, I seem to be trying. I want everything. 

My newest craving is ice cream/ blended drinks/ anything that is really really cold. So actually, what I should do is suck ice cubes- hydrating and satisfys the craving. Or make my own out of fruit smoothies, but no, its okay don’t mind me I will just pick up a large blended belgian chocolate frappacino on my way to work (hold the cream on top… I’m not an animal…). I hold my head in my hands, I can’t stop the incessant want (I can’t bring myself to say need, I feel ashamed!) for ice creams. It could be because the weather is getting a bit warmer, I could try and justify and excuse this to you dear readers, I maybe wonder if I am kidding myself by calling it a craving… Who knows, either way, I have had two ice creams today…!! (top ice cream choice is a Nobbly Bobbly if anyone is offering, and have you guys tried the Cadbury’s Marvellous creations things… oh god.) 

Battenburg and Toblerone flavours... Ridiculous. 

I guess what I am getting at with this blog post is every part of my brain is now saying “oh dear darling, you really should slow down on all this eating” and then my body is saying “yes please, another portion would be lovely” I am trying to seemingly break the mental habit of a lifetime. It is only since I haven’t restricted my intake that I have realised that for so long I have been doing. I know everyone says "Eating for Two!" but It isn't like that is it. I'm not eating for two 27 year olds. I'm eating for one 27 year old female who just happens to be growing a baby. I need to be eating enough to give my body the nutrients and energy it needs to do that and not feel bad about it. But I do. Why though? And why does it matter that I’m eating more now, I’m growing a whole new person?! Why does even matter enough to me to write a blog post about it?

While we are talking body size, here I am from all angles at 26 weeks and 6 days