I have always been such a lover of sleep. I can sleep pretty much anywhere at any time. I've always been quite a naturally tired person and need lots of sleep otherwise I turn into SUCH a crank. Well, coupled with pregnancy, no sleep has turned me into 'Super Crank' I got a new bed about 4 months in and it was tricky to get used to because we were used to a much bigger bed and the brand new mattress needed moulding to our bodies but for a few weeks I had sleeping off to a tee! Now... Well... let me tell you some stories.
I'll set you a scene on a good day.
I have a shower, or a bath, but usually a shower, and wash my hair. I will braid my hair into a french plait and get into bed with it still damp. I have a funny sperm shaped pillow I got from Amazon (see link below) and this is a recent addition to the bed and it is helping especially since Plum has taken a liking to the left hand side of my body so moves what feels like its whole body there and it gets so heavy. The pillow supports some of the weight for me and then I close all the curtains and blinds and turn off all the lights, Davyd gets into bed right over the other side (sometimes even in the spare room if he is working late or up early) and then I fall asleep and then maybe only wake up once or twice in the night (usually because I turn over and the bed creaks or because hubs has made some kind of sound... cough... snoring etc) Thats a good night. These are rare and special and I treasure waking up from them because I don't feel like I've been punched in the head and/or the uterus.
So now I will tell you about a typical night. This is the kind of night I seem to be having probably 5 out of 7 nights. The scene goes:
I stay up later than I intended, usually because I've been doing the social media circles on my phone, checking each one until I am absolutely sure I am updated with everyone else lives or because I am watching some kind of boxset that I can't stop (most recently has been Orange Is The New Black Series 4) and then frantically get into the shower and wash my hair.
I bustle back to the bedroom by which point is now a hundred degrees because Dav and I have been sat in it for the best part of three hours and get into bed with a towel still wrapped round my head. I want to french plait my hair but my arms ache for no reason so I get into bed, pull my fingers through it and pray to the hair gods to be kind.
I then scrabble around for that fucking pillow which has fallen on the floor about a mile away from me so I'm dangling over the edge of the bed whilst Dav is freaking out I'm going to fall (one day I really will and the regret will be huge) locate the pillow, which I have probably made really warm by using it as a back rest whilst watching aforementioned box sets and try and find a part of the bed that is cooler than the rest.
I then realise the curtain isn't closed properly which will only piss me off come 4am when the sun/ light comes in and burns into my soul so I clamber back out the bed and adjust everything until I am absolutely certain no light will get to me.
Back to the bed and Dav is now in the middle and almost already snoring. This makes me cross because I am now wide awake and probably not ever going to sleep.
I eventually find some kind of position, pillow between legs, under bump, covers only covering a minuscule part of my sweating like a pig body and let out a deep sigh of relief that maybe, just maybe, I might have saved it and will fall asleep. Then, the fucking baby starts having a party, CHEERS HUN. Waving its arms and legs about, kicking, punching, no thank you mummy you can't sleep like that I need you to move. And so it continues.
On and on and on. Tossing and turning, lay on the left side, lay on the right side, what about on my back? Oh, oh no, can't do that because you're not allowed to do that when you're pregnant because all your organs and stuff crush an important vein that stops your legs falling off or something (its actually the Vena Cava vein that brings all the blood back to your heart from your lower body) What about on my front? Oh no now the baby is crushed and its kind of hurting.... Its a nightmare before I have even fallen asleep.
If and when I eventually do fall asleep the sleep is broken and restless. Every time I need to turn around I have to lug the pillow with me, either nearly fall off the bed or be faced with a sound asleep snoring husband (which I must stress he is of course allowed to do but when he is asleep and I am awake I want to punch him with envy) I wake myself up with my own snores and then can't fall asleep again or I've missed a gap somewhere and that soul burning light comes in. Sometimes even the birds have the audacity to sing. Fuck off dawn chorus I hate you.
I wake up in the morning feeling bedraggled and exhausted. Super Crank is born around 6.30am when the alarm goes off and I hate everything and everyone. My hair is EVERYWHERE, I should have braided it, why didn't I braid it?! I have to locate clothing and deodorant and copious amounts of under eye concealer all while clock watching as its likely I have snoozed at least 5 times.
Hideous.
So when you're having a restful nights sleep tonight and waking up feeling great tomorrow, spare a thought for us pregnitos in the third trimester. We are tired and we are uncomfortable. It's been humid and muggy and our eyeballs want to jump out and roll away they are so exhausted. We don't mean to glare at you in the mornings and we don't mean to mutter mean things under our breath out of jealously, sometimes we even don't mean to scream profanities at you when you cut us up on the dual carriageway (sometimes we do). We can't help it, we aren't ourselves, we are Super Crank, your neighbourhood pregnito villain.
I stay up later than I intended, usually because I've been doing the social media circles on my phone, checking each one until I am absolutely sure I am updated with everyone else lives or because I am watching some kind of boxset that I can't stop (most recently has been Orange Is The New Black Series 4) and then frantically get into the shower and wash my hair.
I bustle back to the bedroom by which point is now a hundred degrees because Dav and I have been sat in it for the best part of three hours and get into bed with a towel still wrapped round my head. I want to french plait my hair but my arms ache for no reason so I get into bed, pull my fingers through it and pray to the hair gods to be kind.
I then scrabble around for that fucking pillow which has fallen on the floor about a mile away from me so I'm dangling over the edge of the bed whilst Dav is freaking out I'm going to fall (one day I really will and the regret will be huge) locate the pillow, which I have probably made really warm by using it as a back rest whilst watching aforementioned box sets and try and find a part of the bed that is cooler than the rest.
I then realise the curtain isn't closed properly which will only piss me off come 4am when the sun/ light comes in and burns into my soul so I clamber back out the bed and adjust everything until I am absolutely certain no light will get to me.
Back to the bed and Dav is now in the middle and almost already snoring. This makes me cross because I am now wide awake and probably not ever going to sleep.
I eventually find some kind of position, pillow between legs, under bump, covers only covering a minuscule part of my sweating like a pig body and let out a deep sigh of relief that maybe, just maybe, I might have saved it and will fall asleep. Then, the fucking baby starts having a party, CHEERS HUN. Waving its arms and legs about, kicking, punching, no thank you mummy you can't sleep like that I need you to move. And so it continues.
On and on and on. Tossing and turning, lay on the left side, lay on the right side, what about on my back? Oh, oh no, can't do that because you're not allowed to do that when you're pregnant because all your organs and stuff crush an important vein that stops your legs falling off or something (its actually the Vena Cava vein that brings all the blood back to your heart from your lower body) What about on my front? Oh no now the baby is crushed and its kind of hurting.... Its a nightmare before I have even fallen asleep.
If and when I eventually do fall asleep the sleep is broken and restless. Every time I need to turn around I have to lug the pillow with me, either nearly fall off the bed or be faced with a sound asleep snoring husband (which I must stress he is of course allowed to do but when he is asleep and I am awake I want to punch him with envy) I wake myself up with my own snores and then can't fall asleep again or I've missed a gap somewhere and that soul burning light comes in. Sometimes even the birds have the audacity to sing. Fuck off dawn chorus I hate you.
I wake up in the morning feeling bedraggled and exhausted. Super Crank is born around 6.30am when the alarm goes off and I hate everything and everyone. My hair is EVERYWHERE, I should have braided it, why didn't I braid it?! I have to locate clothing and deodorant and copious amounts of under eye concealer all while clock watching as its likely I have snoozed at least 5 times.
Hideous.
So when you're having a restful nights sleep tonight and waking up feeling great tomorrow, spare a thought for us pregnitos in the third trimester. We are tired and we are uncomfortable. It's been humid and muggy and our eyeballs want to jump out and roll away they are so exhausted. We don't mean to glare at you in the mornings and we don't mean to mutter mean things under our breath out of jealously, sometimes we even don't mean to scream profanities at you when you cut us up on the dual carriageway (sometimes we do). We can't help it, we aren't ourselves, we are Super Crank, your neighbourhood pregnito villain.
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